Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Meeting and eating and blogging
So.... *sigh* Its Ryan's last week of the academy. Which means I've only got 4 more weekday nights of 'normal' life with him. It totally bums me out. I love having a built-in guinea pig in the house to try my food! And someone to scratch my back to wake me up... Its a good thing I love him to death or I might not be so understanding! :-)
Speaking of firefighters... Have I mentioned how much I love Ryan's friends? That said, they really hurt my feelings, and his, on Saturday night. A whole slew of them got hired with other departments so everyone got together at a local brewpub for a celebration. Well the thing started at 8pm, which seems like a late start for us. Most people didn't show up until after 9, and we're notoriously on-time to events (thanks mostly to Ryan, as my girlfriends would be happy to tell you), so there was a lot of sitting around waiting. Then they all show up. In force. Ready to drink. Heavily. We're in a semi-classy place and they're having beer chugging contests, taking turns ordering crazy shots, and basically pissing off the entire staff by yelling and generally bumping into servers with food. Oh, and I ended up playing babysitter to a non-firefighter that tagged along. I'd never met him before, and he was being drunkenly inappropriate to me considering I was obviously MARRIED to the guy next to me who outweighed him by about 80 pounds.
So at 10:45pm Ryan asked if I wanted to go. I thought HE wanted to go. I really was making a conscience effort to be chatty w/ the drunk people and have a good time. So at 10:50 we announce we're leaving. All of a sudden the group goes insane, hi-fiving, yelling, wooping and hollering. Evidently they made a BET on how early we would leave. We were the butt of their joke. They were talking about us being the "lame go home early couple" behind our backs. These are the same people we've seen every weekend for the last TWO MONTHS, sometimes until well into the a.m. hours. I was completely embarassed, and Ryan (who really works to not be shy) was mortified.
I know they didn't mean to be mean, but I'm hurt. And I'm pissed. And I'm reluctant to spend my weekends with people who think its funny to do something like that. Anyway.....
OK, I've been on this 'meeting' for 1.5hrs now. I'm just going to hang up. I'm sure they won't even notice.
Then its back to seeing if I can plan a trip for us for next week. They gave Ryan the week off as a thank-you! Weeee!
posted by atpanda at 6:34 PM
4 Take a Shot
Monday, June 18, 2007
Locks of Love
That's not the greatest picture for our exampe here considering I'd been walking in the sweltering Disney heat for about 13 hours by this point, but you get the picture.
I should say here that while I'm lazy about my hair, I'm also embarassingly vain about it sometimes. It doesn't have the greatest shape (its totally curly in the back and straight as anything in the front) but I do feel blessed with my hair. Its my mom's hair. So while it looks awful when left to its own devices, it holds a nice curl when a fancy date night comes along, and it loves a good straightening iron. And the best part about my hair? Its naturally colored. That's gotten me in a bit of trouble actually. For example:
A few weeks before my wedding I went to my stylist for a 'practice' of my wedding hair. The first thing she said to me was, "Um, don't you think you ought to touch this up before the wedding?" Cause you see, natural blondes' hair is totally affected by the sun. So in the winter I get roots. NATURAL roots. I was so mortified that she thought my color looked horrible that I allowed her to give me a henna treatment to 'even out' the color. Well lets think about this people (thinking: something I was not doing at the time when I was allowing that witch to do anything to my hair just so she'd stop rolling her eyes when I swore up and down that it wasn't died)... Blonde hair + red henna = ???? Come on, anybody? That's right! Pink hair the week before my wedding! I was in complete denial over the situation until my family and my friend Rebecca each held separate interventions and my mom dragged me down to the salon a mere 24 hours before the wedding and yelled until they fixed it.
So the blonde? Awesome in the summer, not so awesome in the winter. But its natural, and I can't believe it hasn't turned (although I fully expect that to happen if I ever have kids. that's what they tell me anyway....)
And also, the length right now is awesome. Despite taking for freaking ever to dry in the morning, I just love the weight of it in a ponytail.
So why the obsessing about the hair lately? Well, I've had a lot of chances to think about hair lately when it comes to my mom. First, I'm blessed to have it at all. I've seen so many women be so brave with their newly bald heads in the hospital. And my mom, ever fearless, has no quams about whipping off whatever hat she's got on to try on another in a store. I've spent a lot of time in the last 6 months feeling guilty about my hair. In fact, almost every time I went to the hospital I would remember to throw it up in a bun before I hit the cancer ward.
My other hang-up about the hair is the fact that lately I've figured out that some people think I'm on the fast track at work. I've always sort of felt like management took an interest in me, but that's natural considering I'm female and younger then most of the people in my aging company. I haven't paid much attention to it though because I feel like a child, I look like a child, and I spend my weekends acting like a child. Then a few weeks ago I realized there was going to have to be a point where I decided that I really wanted to do something big at my company. My boss sat me down and evidently he's got a big vision for my future, bigger than I ever had.
My biggest problem? I look so young. I still get carded every time I buy alcohol, and someone in my group actually thought last year was my 21st birthday. Um, hi, 30 next year thank you. And I think the biggest problem I have (besides also getting my mom's awesome young-looking genes) is my hair. Its too girly. Too unstyled. Too unsophisticated.
So I've decided I need a hair goal. I'm too chicken just to cut it. In fact my hair lady jokes every time I go in there that she told herself that if I asked for it to be chopped she'd talk me out of it because she knew I'd regret it.
So here's my goal: I'm going to make a donation to Locks of Love. I've always thought about doing it, but my hair has never been long enough. But finally I think we're close. I had Ryan measure it last night, and at the moment 10 inches would take me just under the chin. I'm not ready for that. So I'm giving myself one last summer with my long hair, then its gone. Off to a better place with someone who will probably appreciate it even more than I do....
I should say here that while I'm lazy about my hair, I'm also embarassingly vain about it sometimes. It doesn't have the greatest shape (its totally curly in the back and straight as anything in the front) but I do feel blessed with my hair. Its my mom's hair. So while it looks awful when left to its own devices, it holds a nice curl when a fancy date night comes along, and it loves a good straightening iron. And the best part about my hair? Its naturally colored. That's gotten me in a bit of trouble actually. For example:
A few weeks before my wedding I went to my stylist for a 'practice' of my wedding hair. The first thing she said to me was, "Um, don't you think you ought to touch this up before the wedding?" Cause you see, natural blondes' hair is totally affected by the sun. So in the winter I get roots. NATURAL roots. I was so mortified that she thought my color looked horrible that I allowed her to give me a henna treatment to 'even out' the color. Well lets think about this people (thinking: something I was not doing at the time when I was allowing that witch to do anything to my hair just so she'd stop rolling her eyes when I swore up and down that it wasn't died)... Blonde hair + red henna = ???? Come on, anybody? That's right! Pink hair the week before my wedding! I was in complete denial over the situation until my family and my friend Rebecca each held separate interventions and my mom dragged me down to the salon a mere 24 hours before the wedding and yelled until they fixed it.
So the blonde? Awesome in the summer, not so awesome in the winter. But its natural, and I can't believe it hasn't turned (although I fully expect that to happen if I ever have kids. that's what they tell me anyway....)
And also, the length right now is awesome. Despite taking for freaking ever to dry in the morning, I just love the weight of it in a ponytail.
So why the obsessing about the hair lately? Well, I've had a lot of chances to think about hair lately when it comes to my mom. First, I'm blessed to have it at all. I've seen so many women be so brave with their newly bald heads in the hospital. And my mom, ever fearless, has no quams about whipping off whatever hat she's got on to try on another in a store. I've spent a lot of time in the last 6 months feeling guilty about my hair. In fact, almost every time I went to the hospital I would remember to throw it up in a bun before I hit the cancer ward.
My other hang-up about the hair is the fact that lately I've figured out that some people think I'm on the fast track at work. I've always sort of felt like management took an interest in me, but that's natural considering I'm female and younger then most of the people in my aging company. I haven't paid much attention to it though because I feel like a child, I look like a child, and I spend my weekends acting like a child. Then a few weeks ago I realized there was going to have to be a point where I decided that I really wanted to do something big at my company. My boss sat me down and evidently he's got a big vision for my future, bigger than I ever had.
My biggest problem? I look so young. I still get carded every time I buy alcohol, and someone in my group actually thought last year was my 21st birthday. Um, hi, 30 next year thank you. And I think the biggest problem I have (besides also getting my mom's awesome young-looking genes) is my hair. Its too girly. Too unstyled. Too unsophisticated.
So I've decided I need a hair goal. I'm too chicken just to cut it. In fact my hair lady jokes every time I go in there that she told herself that if I asked for it to be chopped she'd talk me out of it because she knew I'd regret it.
So here's my goal: I'm going to make a donation to Locks of Love. I've always thought about doing it, but my hair has never been long enough. But finally I think we're close. I had Ryan measure it last night, and at the moment 10 inches would take me just under the chin. I'm not ready for that. So I'm giving myself one last summer with my long hair, then its gone. Off to a better place with someone who will probably appreciate it even more than I do....
posted by atpanda at 7:55 PM
8 Take a Shot
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Here I am. I am here.
I've never been really open on my blog for this very reason. I worry. Worry that someone I work with will find my blog, worried that someone Ryan works with will find my blog (that happened, by the way), worried that I'll offend someone I love with something I write. So I just don't. I don't share.
But then again, back to the biting you in the ass thing... Even the smallest most innocent little thing you share could come back to you, you know?
That said, whatever. I do feel better when I sit down at the end of the day and post. Even if it is just a picture, I do feel better.
So let's see. A lot has happened. When last we left off with the story, my mom was in the hospital. Well, she was trapped in there for over 3 weeks. As if the pnemonia and some other little things wasn't bad enough, she got the chicken pox! That set off some kind of panic because my dad, my husband, and I all haven't had the chicken pox. And we all found out about her pox at the same time. Sitting in her hospital room. With the pox germs in the air. THANKFULLY, the 3 of us seem to be pox-free, and I for one was apparently tested and am immune. Lesson: if you haven't have the chicken pox, get the freaking immunization already!
What else? Oh that's right! I became a certified professional type photographer. what do you know about that? My very good friend Jen P recommended me to a lovely couple getting married in October. I was SO nervous about the interview. I had a portfolio made up through mypublisher.com, I got myself uber organized (seriously, you should see the notebook I put together with information!), put on shoes with actual heels, and went to meet with them. Imagine my amazement when 2 days later I got a signed countract in the mail along with a thank-you not telling me how beautiful my work was! Seriously, what could be better than that? (truthfully I think they just love me because I'm so cheap :-) )
Ryan's still teaching the fire academy. I was there for the recruits' burn day a few weeks and got a few pictures that I liked. Wanna see them?
So for the most part, I was there taking pictures for the recruits' academy graduation slide show. It was great. I was really happy with some of the pictures I got out of it!
Which leads me to.... in 2 weeks my husband goes back to his regular schedule. When I was at the burn day I eavesdropped on the recruits talking at lunch because they were talking about how freaked out their wives were about the new schedule and new lifestyle. Ryan had me get in front of them and tell them how it is, and really I did try to be realistic and tell them that its hard, but it can be good if you make it that way. But honestly? Ryan having this 'regular' person schedule with the academy has ruined me. I am dreading July 2nd when he goes back to his 24-hr shifts. Dreading having to make and eat dinner alone. Dreading the part where I have to fill my time with 'things' because I don't want to FEEL alone.
These last 8 weeks or so have been amazing. I've gotten to try out a different recipe every night, we've gotten into TV shows together, on the weekends I haven't had to be solo at parties.... Its just nice. But as I told the new fire wife who cornered me last Friday at the recruits' family night: its worth it. I know it is. Ryan loves his job and the people he works with, and that's got to be enough.
This post has no shape at all. Which is sort of how I'm feeling lately. Work has left me feeling overwhelmed, I feel frantic to soak up all the time I have with Ryan, and there's always this 'What If' hanging over us with my mom. This year has definitely been something else....
But I just know that I feel better after blogging. After sending it out into the world. So I promise I'll do more of that.
Which leads me to.... in 2 weeks my husband goes back to his regular schedule. When I was at the burn day I eavesdropped on the recruits talking at lunch because they were talking about how freaked out their wives were about the new schedule and new lifestyle. Ryan had me get in front of them and tell them how it is, and really I did try to be realistic and tell them that its hard, but it can be good if you make it that way. But honestly? Ryan having this 'regular' person schedule with the academy has ruined me. I am dreading July 2nd when he goes back to his 24-hr shifts. Dreading having to make and eat dinner alone. Dreading the part where I have to fill my time with 'things' because I don't want to FEEL alone.
These last 8 weeks or so have been amazing. I've gotten to try out a different recipe every night, we've gotten into TV shows together, on the weekends I haven't had to be solo at parties.... Its just nice. But as I told the new fire wife who cornered me last Friday at the recruits' family night: its worth it. I know it is. Ryan loves his job and the people he works with, and that's got to be enough.
This post has no shape at all. Which is sort of how I'm feeling lately. Work has left me feeling overwhelmed, I feel frantic to soak up all the time I have with Ryan, and there's always this 'What If' hanging over us with my mom. This year has definitely been something else....
But I just know that I feel better after blogging. After sending it out into the world. So I promise I'll do more of that.
posted by atpanda at 4:51 PM
5 Take a Shot
about me
About Me
- Name: atpanda
- Location: Mesa, Arizona, United States
I'm Amanda. I'm an engineer in an industry full of men, a professional wedding and family portrait photographer, a firefighter's wife, a traveler, and a dogMa.
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