Sunday, April 12, 2009

Today's a holiday?

The weird thing about losing someone you're close to is that it doesn't ever feel better.  "Time heals all wounds..."?  I think whoever first said that wasn't talking about heart hurt.  

This week has felt worse then usual.  It started when I stumbled on to Sue Thomas, F.B.Eye on Animal Planet.  I remember when this short-lived show about a deaf woman starting a career with the FBI first came on TV.  My mom was so excited!  She was so passionate about the advancement of disabled people (she was actually one of the creators of the longest running deaf television show in history), and like she often did with shows she was excited about, I remember her calling me and telling me she hoped I'd watch it too.  

I started watching the show this last Sunday, crying.  It's silly, there wasn't anything going on sad in the show.  It's just that I know if my mom was here I would have immediately picked up the phone to tell her it was on, and she would have been so excited.  

Today is Easter for some.  This is the first year that I don't have a special Easter egg from my mom.  As soon as we were old enough to lose interest in dying eggs for the holiday, she took over.  She kept my old crayons for the sole purpose of drawing on our eggs, then dying them.  We each got one with something she'd drawn on it specifically for us. Even our puppies got their own eggs with the likenesses drawn on them.  My mom was a closet artist.  We also got Easter baskets until last year, even though we're not kids anymore.

My life is missing something big with my mom gone, and I feel it the same today as I did the day she died.  And when you lose someone, it feels better to just pretend that holidays are just the same as every other day.  

4 Comments:

Anonymous SunnyInspiration said...

I can't even imagine--I can't pretend to know what it feels like. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. This must be so hard. You are so very strong though! You're doing an incredible job at going on and living your life and doing the best you can. And, I'm glad that your blog can be a voice for you when you are sad. I hope you know it's okay to cry and to grieve!

9:10 AM  
Blogger Goofy Girl said...

:( I agree. It's best to pretend it's just another day, because then it's really not too hard not to be upset. *hugs*

7:51 PM  
Blogger hydrantgirl said...

My Papa's birthday was on St. Patrick's day, and for many years after he passed I dreaded that day. Now the family gets together every year on St. Patrick's day, wears green, goes out for supper and green beer, tells stories, and shares laughter and tears in his memory. It's very healing as it helps us remember him.

No matter how, I hope you keep your mom's memories close to heart. I'm sure she'd want that.

6:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe with time you can get to a point where you can carry on some of your Mom's traditions. She would be so happy if you can celebrate her life and the good mom she was.
Love, Jane Bennett

7:41 PM  

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