Sunday, April 12, 2009
Today's a holiday?
This week has felt worse then usual. It started when I stumbled on to Sue Thomas, F.B.Eye on Animal Planet. I remember when this short-lived show about a deaf woman starting a career with the FBI first came on TV. My mom was so excited! She was so passionate about the advancement of disabled people (she was actually one of the creators of the longest running deaf television show in history), and like she often did with shows she was excited about, I remember her calling me and telling me she hoped I'd watch it too.
I started watching the show this last Sunday, crying. It's silly, there wasn't anything going on sad in the show. It's just that I know if my mom was here I would have immediately picked up the phone to tell her it was on, and she would have been so excited.
Today is Easter for some. This is the first year that I don't have a special Easter egg from my mom. As soon as we were old enough to lose interest in dying eggs for the holiday, she took over. She kept my old crayons for the sole purpose of drawing on our eggs, then dying them. We each got one with something she'd drawn on it specifically for us. Even our puppies got their own eggs with the likenesses drawn on them. My mom was a closet artist. We also got Easter baskets until last year, even though we're not kids anymore.
My life is missing something big with my mom gone, and I feel it the same today as I did the day she died. And when you lose someone, it feels better to just pretend that holidays are just the same as every other day.
I'm Amanda. I'm an engineer in an industry full of men, a professional wedding and family portrait photographer, a firefighter's wife, a traveler, and a dogMa.