Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I'm really trying to think about all that good stuff, but it's just so hard to think back to a time when she was just my mom, not my mom who was sick.
I got to spend a lot of time with her when she was in the hospital, which we both knew was a gift. We'd never really been allowed just time for me and her before. I know how precious our time together was. Ryan asked me last week when she and I talked about, but I couldn't remember. I think that's because it wasn't like she spent 2 years telling me life lessons. We just were there, friends, chatting about life.
My mom was the best cook. She was a magician in the kitchen and could whip up something amazing from nothing. She always told me that she was so surprised that I cook now, because I never showed interest in cooking with her. I don't regret not cooking with her. She was just amazing to watch. And I hope that I'm half the chef she is. Was.
Still not used to that. Was. And you know what? Most of the time I don't even correct myself. Do you now that poem about someone being just around the corner? I really feel like that. She's just out of reach. I feel like I could still pick up the phone and call her.
I feel pretty good today. Last night was not good. Today was better. And maybe tomorrow something good will happen.
I'm Amanda. I'm an engineer in an industry full of men, a professional wedding and family portrait photographer, a firefighter's wife, a traveler, and a dogMa.