Saturday, October 18, 2008
Food for the Heart
It is so hard for me to listen about other people's days, plans for the holidays, fights with friends or family members, because none of that feels as real as how much I miss my mom.
Don't misunderstand, I'm not feeling like people should constantly be talking about my mom or asking if I'm ok. It's just so weird that now it's finally setting in, that she's gone forever, and life has already moved on around me.
And the further away time goes from when she's alive, the harder it feels. Like I'm just getting further away from my mom. Are people going to forget how wonderful and special she was? Will I forget what it felt like to have her hand on my arm or what her voice sounded like? And really, it has been 3 weeks, but I've caught myself saying 2 weeks. Because it feels better.
I haven't meant to find things that remind me of my mom, but it's impossible. She's everywhere in my life. And aren't I luck for that! I don't know if Ryan and I will have kids some day, but I know that if I do, they'll know my mom, even if they never met her.
I'm Amanda. I'm an engineer in an industry full of men, a professional wedding and family portrait photographer, a firefighter's wife, a traveler, and a dogMa.